I did have an epic year that I should give glory to God for

I praise God for:

- Helping me through my crazy last semester of college.
- Giving me wonderful music professors and friends to help me through my very first solo recital!
- 4 GREAT years at the University of the Ozarks, of which I graduated from this year in May.
- Providing a place for me to stay at no cost (while I was job-hunting) during my first 3 months in Pittsburgh.
- Bringing me through a crazy but educational job-hunting experience (I have gone through countless interviews, many rejections and 2 jobs and resignations before I was given this job that I have now, which I LOVE!).
- Helping me find a wonderful family to live with.
- Giving me more and more photography opportunities!
- Giving me a FIANCE!!!

The New Year has not even begun, but I can tell that it’s going to be a good year (I’m getting MARRIED in 6 months! ;P )

Yayy! 2011, I’m ready for you! *Leaps*

Happy New Year! Have a God-Filled 2011!

During that brief dry spell of mine, I was taught, shown and reminded of many things, one of which is that I am a terrible “life-controller.” In fact, I was reminded that I’m not supposed to be controlling my life in the first place. It was a painful, but fruitful process that I learned (and am still learning) to let go, and let God.

Since then, the dry spell has recently been showered with some “rain”! In the past two weeks, I have been blessed with:

- A new job that would allow me to stay in the US to work for a year!

- Random odd jobs that will provide me with small supplementary income (that is, nevertheless, still income!)

- New friends in Pittsburgh.

- Closer friendships in Pittsburgh.

- A possible new (and affordable!) place to stay in September!

- And.. A FIANCE!

I just want to take this time and credit all these blessings to my heavenly Father. It is by His grace that I have been given all these things!

On to more “learning” now! Ahhhh! God, please hold me!

Alongside these beautiful, pure notes there are elements of horrific dissonance. Parts of the symphony where the musicians are not following the score. To our shame, ours is a world of slavery, bigotry, and hate. Of Rwanda. Of Darfur. These atonal catastrophes on our Darkwater Planet would destroy the song if they could. But love is a stronger song. Alongside the dissonance there is hope. There is forgiveness and joy singing alongside of hatred and despair. The song is still being written. Everyday we choose whether we will submit to the score to sing along with love.

When I found out about the string theory it made a lot of sense. I pictured all the universe vibrating. Some instruments are out of tune. Some are not following the conductor. But love conquers a multitude of errors. Your love can cover even the atrocities that I’ve committed in my own life, even the times when my actions are horribly out of tune. Yes, even these have been mercifully forgiven and brought into the song.

There are reoccurring themes in my life. Because I write about the things I’m wrestling, these themes often find themselves in multiple songs. I used fight against this concept. Now I see these songs as interconnected, sequels in a real life documentary. One idea that I’m continually wresting with is the concept that the creator of heavens and earth would love a wreck like myself.” (Jon Foreman from Switchfoot on his song, “Your Love is a Song”)

I hear you breathing in
Another day begins
The stars are falling out
My dreams are fading now, fading out

I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open
I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open

Oh, your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
Oh, your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me
All your love is a song

The dawn is fire bright
Against the city light
The clouds are glowing now
The moon is blacking out, blacking out

Oh, your love is a song
Your love is a song
Oh, your love is a song
Your love is strong

With my eyes wide open
I’ve got my eyes wide open
I’ve been keeping my hopes unbroken

Your love is my remedy
All your love is a song

“Self-fulfillment is only another form of pride, and hardly different from the ignominious sin of Lucifer (Isaiah 14:12). We progressive moderns, however, have so covered the term with attractive clothing that it no longer appears as sin, but as an inherent right of the personality. Self-fulfillment is the expressing my full self, achieving my glory, and carving out my niche in life. Its ultimate goal is the coronation of self. Further, it is a fatal contradiction. How can everyone fulfill himself? The total exaltation of everybody would result in racial mania. The fulfillment of all my desires usually means the denial of someone else’s.”

“As a disciple, I must not talk of fulfillment; I must talk of fulfilling. When I received Christ, I received His fullness. As I live out His fullness, I flesh out His presence on this earth, I make full His manifestation to men (Ephesians 4:13). Instead of fulfilling myself, I fulfill Christ; I make Him the “Man above all,” the rightfully crowned King, “that in all things He might have the preeminence” (Colossians 1:18)” (By W. Glyn Evans, from Daily with the King).

* * * * *

Some of you may know that, currently, I am somewhat struggling to find a job in Pittsburgh. I say “somewhat” because it really only has been a month since I started looking for a job here, and I have had several interviews (the reason it did not work out with most of these places is because of my Visa status, which only allows for me to work for a year), so it really hasn’t been that bad. Another thing that I have been struggling with is accepting that I will probably not get a working Visa for next year, which means that there’s a strong likelihood that I’ll be unemployed again in the near future. Because of this, I’ve been stressing myself about how my life and education is going to be a waste if I don’t find a job/get a working Visa, and how I am going to be so unfulfilled.

Reading this passage (several times) made me realize that my whining about being unemployed has been very proud! I know that some people may think that Mr. Evans here is being a little too extreme with his calling self-fulfillment a sin, but I have to say that I think he’s right. Time and time again, I fail to see that acknowledging the Gospel means that I also acknowledge that it is NOT about me; it is about Christ. Instead about complaining about how I need a job, or how I am not going to have a fulfilling future if I don’t get a working Visa, I should be asking myself about how can I fulfill Christ in my time of unemployment and how I can fulfill Christ if I don’t work next year.

Anyway, I just wanted to encourage those of you out there who are struggling to find self-fulfillment in your jobs, studies, families, relationships and others, to seek Christ and ways to fulfill Him. “For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority” (Colossians 2:9-10). Isn’t that comforting?

Yesterday, I found out that Point Park University could not be an option for me anymore

Basically, I was told a month ago that it is very possible for me to get a lot of scholarship from that University. However, yesterday, I was told that that information is incorrect, and that transfer students (at this point of time anyway) could only get about $5000 a year.

So, after finding that out, I basically spent the rest of the day stressing out about after-graduation options (silly of me, I know).

Thankfully, right before I went to bed, God gave me a (good) tight slap in the face

He said to me in Romans 11:36, “Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory.”

Enough said, really

“Don’t worry about a thing, cos’ every little thing [is] gonna be alright” (Bob Marley).

The first gift was a Canon Rebel XSi, which also came along with a HDSD card and card reader, as well as an Amazing Canon Macro lens. I screamed (for joy) like a little girl when I first saw it!! I could not believe that I was going to be the owner of that beautiful camera staring back at me!

The second present was a scrapbook full of letters and pictures from my loved ones back in Malaysia (and Singapore and Bangkok) and here in the States. I cried (for joy) like a little girl when I first saw it.. I felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVED!!!

So.. Thank you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you..!

Thank you for contributing to my gifts.
Even more than that, thank you for loving me, believing in me, supporting me, and taking care of me.

Joel said that since I could not be home (home = Malaysia AND Ozarks) this Christmas/birthday, he was going to bring home to me, and he did. I can feel your love even from milesssssssssssss away.

I love every single one of you. Thank you for being in my life =)

Praising;

Pouring out our hearts;

Worshiping, not just in song, but in our everyday lives;

TOGETHER.

Let us continue to strive towards that.

Us = The church = The body of believers = You

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”
- 1 Timothy 6:17-18 -

Today, I learned that I am rich. I have a car, an ipod, a laptop, a cellphone, tons (and tons) of clothes, more than enough money for food, clean drinking water, etc. I am rich.

Yet, I am still seeking after the latest technology, latest styles, latest stuff. It seems that what I currently have is never good enough for me. It never occurred to me that whatever that is not good enough for me, is MORE than enough for the (approximately) 3 billion people who are living on less than $2.50 a day. I am very rich.

You are probably rich too.

Here’s something to ponder over: Ask yourself, “how can I bless others with what God has blessed me with?”

This is the room that I share with Mei Yee. What you are seeing now is my little study space (a little messy, as usual) and my piano.

This is our bed and contrasting-colored bed stuff

This is what our typical dinner would look like. Just thought I’d show it (random, I know)..

2) Robyn and I decided to bring a whole bunch of girls on a mini camping trip one weekend. It was.. Quite an adventure Most of the girls have never been camping before, so it was their first time out in the wild! (Tee hee) We made our own fire and s’mores; we built our own tents (kind of.. Okay, we had some help from Ryan and Lee); we went rafting!

All of us in front of our huge tent (it even had a “porch”!)

Beautiful fire

Robyn and I in the middle of Horsehead Lake!

“We conquered the rubber raft!!! Hoo-ha-ha!!”

3) One of the big school-related events that happened was the annual Family Weekend. Basically, a whole lot of kids and parents come to our school for the weekend, and we have would have a lot of activities planned out for them, one of which is the organizational fund raisers. Fortissimo, the music club, did a piano-smash up thing where people paid to beat up an old, can’t-be-saved piano. It was totally beaten to death The International Fall Festival was also one of the highlights of the weekend! Basically, what happens is that all the International students would get together and showcase their country’s ethnic food. This year, the “Malaysia team” made Mua Chi and Red Bean Soup (which we introduced as “Chewy Peanut Dessert” and “Hot Red Bean Dessert” ).

The dead piano.

Pretty girls from Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam and Hong Kong

Here are some of my favorites:

“At the grocery store I work at, a young lady with a baby just got done scanning her cartfull or groceries, but both of her cards were denied and she had no cash. She quietly asked to have them put back, when the man behind her said ‘I’ll pay for them’ and smiled. They were total strangers. GMH”

“Today I was walking in town with my 4-year-old daughter and it began to rain. I didn’t have an umbrella so I used my coat to try to shelter her from the rain. At a stoplight, a young woman tossed her umbrella out her window at us, smiled, and drove away. GMH.”

“My friend’s younger sister was coming home by herself when a guy on the bus began hassling her. An elderly man on the other side of the bus stood up and demanded that the guy “leave his granddaughter alone”. The guy stopped, and got off at the next stop. The elderly man was a stranger. GMH.”

“My aunt was dying of breast/bone cancer, and was completely broke and in a ton of pain, yet when she found out her hospice nurse needed a new pair of sneakers, she gave her everything she could: a jar of change she’d been saving for 10 years. Her memory GMH.”

“I was sick and couldn’t sleep and was afraid that I was keeping my husband awake. I told him that I would sleep in the living room since he had to go to work in the morning. He picked up my blankets and pillows and joined me in the living room because he didn’t want me to sleep alone. His love GMH.”

Here’s mine:

“A couple of weeks ago, I observed a man and his wife from my church carry their crippled daughter to the bathroom. Their simple act of love for their daughter touched me to tears. They GMH.”